so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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