my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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