Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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