I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
