Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The best revenge is premature balding
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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