I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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