My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
try to milk me bitch
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
