she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
