I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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