So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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