i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
