Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
