he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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