And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
