Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
