I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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