i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
