I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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