Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
