Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
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he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
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i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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