We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
