I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
