Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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