I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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