Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It was confusing and full of hummus
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
