I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize