Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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