well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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