She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
