My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
