I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
