idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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