I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
