If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
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I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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