I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
