Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's blow job season.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
