if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
