your room smells of hookers.
And success
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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