nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
even my farts smell like vagina
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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