i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
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