just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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