she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
