Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
There's even glitter on my cock...
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