I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
