Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
