Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
