The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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