But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
