We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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