I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
