My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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