Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
even my farts smell like vagina
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
