Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
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Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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