All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
