I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize