All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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