yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
