her vagine was all disorganized.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
