Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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