I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
