it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
