I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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