this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
if only i could text you this smell
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
