i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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