So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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