So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
