I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
