I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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