I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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