He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
