becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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