Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
