I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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