You can't motorboat a personality
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
