Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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