She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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