He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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